The small post-it note with the words “No Fighting!” was an inconspicuous yet desperate attempt to salvage what was left of movie nights in my toxic relationship with my ex-husband. We were good people, but we were also functional alcoholics, trapped in a cycle of burnout every weekend. Our routine of consuming 5-7 beers on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays became the norm, paving the way for a rollercoaster of emotions that oscillated between joyous movie watching and heated arguments.
As the alcohol flowed, so did the fighting. Yelling, arguing, accusations, and misunderstandings became routine. In moments of desperation, I resorted to self-harm, and he, at his worst, pushed me to the ground during an argument. The solution to our problem: a post-it note placed next to the television screen, bearing the words “no fighting.” We would recite this affirmation before our first drink, every weekend – a futile attempt to maintain a semblance of control–0/10, do not recommend.
Deep down, I knew this was just a pathetic band-aid over our issues. Deep down, I also understood that sobriety might lead to the inevitable end of our relationship – a reality I wasn’t prepared to face at the time. Any suggestion to quit alcohol was met with resistance, with my ex arguing, “the problem isn’t the alcohol; it’s that we can’t communicate.” Turns out, he was half-right; we were fundamentally wrong for each other and on different communicative wavelengths, and alcohol magnified our challenges.
Years later, after attempting the Sinclair method (read about it here) and exhausting every excuse in the book, I find myself celebrating over 110 days of sobriety and navigating two months of separation from my husband. The decision was simultaneously the hardest and easiest I’ve ever had to make. Summoning the courage to embrace the unknown, confront fear, and face myself in the mirror proved to be the toughest part. Identifying what needed to be done and how to do it was surprisingly straightforward, as I had already mentally rehearsed this for a long, long time. Sobriety has become easier as I surround myself with more sober individuals, and am finding that I am inspiring others in my inner circle to reframe their relationship with alcohol; more mocktails are flowing these days.
The main takeaway: your personal relationships, whether platonic or romantic, can either make or break your relationship with alcohol.
Sober Magic 